People who don't like cake are assholes

Today a wise man named Bill said to me, "People who don't like cake are assholes". I agree, Bill, I agree. How can someone NOT like cake?

Cake comes in many varieties, so you can't say you don't like the flavor. Cake also come in many textures, so you can't say you don't like the consistency. Cake also come in many shapes and sizes, so that is a poor excuse too.

Although I don't think I have ever met someone who doesn't like cake, I'd be interested in hearing the rationale of the haters. However, regardless of your feelings on the matter if you hate cake you are, and always will be, an asshole.

Stars, they're just like us

They flick their bean....

Rob da jewelry store and tell 'em to make me a grill

I received an XM Satellite Radio in celebration of Jesus's birth. I am now fascinated with the wide world of music that I have been missing relying on myself to update my Ipod. (note: if I cannot keep up with a blog, my Ipod had no chance)

One of my favorite stations is 20 on 20. For those XM virgins out there, this station allows listeners to vote on 5 of their favorite songs and they play them in order of popularity. Now, this does cause quite a bit of repetition but for We Belong Together, My Humps and Run It, I am willing to sacrifice.

However, one particular song caught my attention today. Grillz by Nelly featuring Paul Wall. Basically, Nelly is telling you that you ain't bling-blingin' unless you've got a mouth full of jewelry. Here are some select lyrics:

Got 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set in little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, lets say I call out a lot

I got my mouth lookin somethin like a disco ball
I got da diamonds and da ice all hand set
I might cause a cold front if i take a deep breath
My teeth gleaming like im chewin on aluminum foil
Smilein showin off my diamonds sippin on some potin oil
I put my money where my mouth is and bought a grill

Open up my mouth and you see mo carrots than a salad
My teeth are mind blowin givin everybody chillz
Call me George Foreman cuz I'm sellin everybody grillz

WTF?

I would probably vomit on someone who has their "mouth gleamin like they're chewing on aluminum foil" Maybe I am just behind the times, or maybe I am just a white girl from the 'burbs, but I don't get it. But if this is the new trend, somebody better tell the producers of The Swan that veneers are out and grillz are in:


Now doesn't she look better? Biatch.

Do not eat mutated animals

Yahoo! Reports-
A rainbow trout fished out of Holmes Lake in Lincoln, Neb., on Dec. 17, 2005, features a double mouth. Clarence Olberding, 57, of Lincoln, wasn't just telling a fisherman's fib when he called over another angler to look at the two-mouthed trout. It weighed in at about a pound. Olberding, who plans to smoke and eat the fish, said the hook was in the upper mouth, and that the lower one did not appear to be functional. (AP Photo/Submitted photo, Charrye Olberding)

Clarence also noted, "It's probably a genetic deformity," he said. "I don't think there's anything wrong with it."

I'm sorry, what?? I like meat as much as the next person, however, eating genetically mutated animals is where I draw the line.

This reminds me of that Simpson episode where Bart catches the 3-eyed fish by the nuclear power plant.

Anyway, who wants to grab some sushi later?

What do you do? What do you do?

Now that Lindsay Lohan has moved onto to Keanu Reeves on her list of people to bone, I have a script suggestion for the couple:

Speed 3- There's a Bomb on the Bug



ps- Lindsay, DOWNGRADE

Commercials I hate

I am surprised that my fellow bloggers and entertainment aficionados haven't discussed their least favorite commercials. Here is my list, in no particular order:

1) Empire Today - on top of the song being annoying, who buys new floors to get a free turkey?

2) Mattress Warehouse - If I see that jerk pretend to be a part of the mattress warehouse family one more time I am going to punch him in the face.

3) Valtrex-are people with genital herpes really more inclined to enjoy the outdoors?

4) Celebrex- celebrate, celebrate, come on and celebrate

5) Jared- That's Jared (did you know that Jared customer Kelly Discount works at BAH?)

6) Shaws Jewelers- STRAIGHT TO THE HEART

7) Jerry's Subs and Pizza- This could be my #1 most hated radio commercial of all time (celebrity voices have been impersonated) really?

8) Shelor Motor Mile- K92's (Roanoke, Lynchburg) most frequent and annoying advertisor (good call, Jenni)

9) Lamisil- All I have to say is VOM-IT (thanks, La)